


Forever in a Day

by fandom_irregular



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Crying, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, Gen, Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley, can i write anything without angst, cursing, nope - Freeform, not a death fick, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28943337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandom_irregular/pseuds/fandom_irregular
Summary: Before anyone could utter a word, the radio crackled back to life.“…Cap?”Bobby almost crumpled when the tension filling his limbs finally released.“Buck! Finally, where are you? There is a criminal on the premises…”“Cap…” the younger firefighter interrupted, his voice sounding strangely tired “I know…”During a call, Buck’s luck strikes again.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 194





	Forever in a Day

**Author's Note:**

> So, first fic in forever, writer's block hit hard in the unusual way of having like 5 fanfiction to write but no actual writing been done of course.  
> This one has been sitting on my dash for months and I really tried to finish it before the season 4 premiere but... nope. I have other WIPs in the works that I'm gonna publish in the next few days, so keep an eye on that.  
> Also, just a reminder that English is not my native tongue, hopefully I didn't make too many mistakes.
> 
> Hope you have tissues with you!
> 
> Once again, a shoutout to my betareader dream_editor!

Buck looked at the building complex, trying to stop himself from rubbing his hands against each other, in search of warmth.

_Odd_. It was a hot spring day in the city of LA, but still, he had found himself shivering so many times during the day. Was he getting a cold? He hoped he wasn’t coming down with the flu like the night shift had. The rest of his team would never let him live it down if he brought the contagion – as Chim liked to call it – to the rest of the 118.

“Come on, Buckaroo, let’s see what we are dealing with, today” Hen’s gentle push guided with towards where other first responders were assembling.

If anybody had noticed he was feeling a bit off today, they hadn’t said a thing. 

_Why would they? It’s not like they know…_

_Nope. Not now._

He felt Eddie brushing against his shoulder, closer than necessary, and he hid a smile.

Bobby’s voice stirred him from his musings.

“Ok, here is the plan. While the 147 deals with the fire, we are going to do a sweep of the adjacent buildings and bring outside any of the residents who haven’t evacuated yet. Some policemen are going to help us with the search, but we will still have to split up. Everyone checks one of the floors, I don’t want anybody in those apartments for too long, is that understood?

The chorus of “Yes, Cap” was almost drowned by loud yells from the 147. The fire could start spreading any second so they had to be fast.

Buck was finishing checking the third floor when he distinctly heard something coming from the last apartment.

“LAFD! You need to evacuate!” he shouted, knocking on the door for good measure when nothing happened.

He tried again with similar success.

Maybe he had imagined it?

Torn between the possibilities, he almost started to call for assistance when a loud thumping sound followed by a yell echoed behind the apartment door.

“LAFD! Move away from the door, if you can! I’m coming in!” he shouted, bracing himself before kicking the door open.

What he saw inside the apartment took him by surprise.

A woman was laying on the floor, trying hard to stay awake while also pressing a hand to a still-bleeding gush on her head. And behind her, _with a knife to her throat_ , a man was kneeling, trembling, swaying while keeping hold of the brunette.

The knife swung fast in his direction and Buck instinctively raised his hands in a show of non-threatening presence.

“Close the door!”

Buck almost didn’t hear the guy over the beating of his own heart, clouding and drowning any other sound.

He swallowed, trying to get the words out of his dry mouth.

“I said close it!”

Again, the knife moved, barely reflecting the light coming in from the window.

_Think of something, Buck. Come on._

“I can’t.” he finally managed to say, hands still up in the air “The building next door is on fire, we need to evacuate.”

He was almost proud of the steadiness that he had managed to convey, as if two lives were not at risk if he made one wrong move.

The guy kept trembling in front of him, swaying, the woman whimpering under him.

Buck took a step forward.

“If you let her go…”

“Shut up!”

Evan froze on the spot while the man finally rose from the floor, tracking the movement of the weapon still pointed at him.

“Let me… let me think!”

The victim, on her part, finally free from the guy’s hold, started crying, leaning towards the door, trying to crawl away from her assailant, who barely batted an eye in her direction.

His eyes kept shifting to Buck, and the young firefighter could see a crazy idea starting to form right in front of him. He had to do something. Say something, before anything else happened.

“Nobody has to get hurt. If you leave now…”

“Oh, that’s exactly what I want to do.” the other replied, a small grin appearing on his face.

_Nope. Nothing good._

Bobby stepped out of the Command tent that the 147 had set up at their arrival. He had just finished talking with Captain Cruz and was ready to get back to his own team, when he noticed a figure stumbling out of the building.

He rushed there, wondering for a second why none of the firefighters helping with the evacuation had actually escorted the young woman out. It was no more than a passing thought, as he soon found himself catching her trembling figure before she could fall and injure herself. Well, injure herself more. A pretty deep gash decorated her forehead and, judging by the unfocussed eyes and the low, incoherent word-rambling coming out of her mouth, she was probably suffering from a concussion as well.

“I need help over here!”

He hadn’t even moved two steps that Chimney was already there, helping the young woman towards the ambulance and starting to assess her injuries.

Bobby was ready to leave the paramedic to deal with the situation, but Chim’s hand suddenly shot up and stopped him in his tracks.

“What?” he asked confusedly, trying to catch the other man’s eyes, but Chimney stayed focused on the victim.

“Cap, you have to listen.” There was a different type of worry coloring his voice, not the usually focused concern while treating wounds, something less tangible, but way more fearful.

Bobby bent to bring himself to the woman’s level. Only then, he finally heard the low whispering.

“…He took him. He was just there and he took him...”

The two firefighters exchanged a quick glance.

“Miss? Who was taken?”

On her part, the woman kept swaying on her seat, her eyes unfocused but trained to the ground.

Bobby decided not to waste any time and signaled Athena to get closer. He was lucky she was there as other police officers may not trust the barely-there pieces of information they were getting.

“Miss? Please, follow my finger.” Chimney continued the examination, shining his torch to check for an actual concussion. The bright light finally seemed to snap the woman out of her daze.

“What?!? What is going on? Where is Jimmy?”

“Is Jimmy the person that was taken?” Athena’s voice was calm, firm, direct, hopefully a guide to get to the answers everybody wanted.

The woman, who finally introduced herself as Tess, shook her head for a second, before regretting it the moment the pain came back. She squinted her eyes, trying to reign in tears, before focusing her gaze back to the group surrounding her.

“No… Jimmy is… was my boyfriend… he… he’s the one… he did this.” She pointed at her head and the few scratches that decorated her body.

“Tess, you mentioned somebody had been taken. Is there…?” again, Athena stayed calm, hoping that the previous rambling of the concussed woman had been just that, a rambling. But she couldn’t even reach the end of her sentence, when Tess’ eyes widened in fear and she knew that her hopes had been in vain.

“Oh my God! He took him, you need to find them!” Tess tried to raise to her feet, before being gently pushed back by Chimney, quietly scolding her about what she could and couldn’t do with a head injury.

“Who was taken?” Athena repeated.

“I don’t know, I don’t… I mean, he is one of you…” anxiety blocking her words, terror speeding up her breathing, it was clear that Tess was on the verge of a panic attack.

“One of us? A first responder?”

The woman nodded, relief of being understood relaxing her tense muscles.

“Yeah, exactly.” She nodded, furrowing her brow again. “He needed to get out, and when he showed up in the apartment…”

“When who showed up? Can you at least give me a description?”

“I don’t… I didn’t really see him, but he… he is one of you!” and this time she evidently pointed at Bobby’s and Chimney’s uniform.

For a moment, nobody moved.

“A firefighter?” Bobby almost didn’t recognize his own voice, terror lowering his tone, fear stripping it away of any warmth.

Tess again nodded, but this time nobody tried to stop her, frozen bodies in the middle of chaos.

A familiar weight appeared on his shoulder, a well-known hand. Once he turned in that direction, Athena’s calm presence was all he needed to regain his composure.

He lifted his hand to his radio.

“This is Captain Nash of the 118. I need a head count, now!”

“Han here.” Chimney quickly replied, knowing that even if Cap could see him, he needed to answer anyway, for everybody’s sake.

_“Diaz and Wilson, here”_

_“Johnson here.”_

_“Fernandez and Smyth here”_

And the list kept going, with one painful exception.

“Buckley? Firefighter Buckley, respond!”

It was supposed to be just a moment, a second in between all the responders to get in line and make themselves known, answer their Captain’s request and Buck would be there, had to be there.

But the moment stretched in time, the silence making itself known, an agonizing weight settling in their chests.

“Buck, respond!”

The other firefighters didn’t know what was going on, but that didn’t stop them to get closer, to regroup, worry and concern, even from the 147, the unspoken question recognizable on any of them.

Before anyone could utter a word, the radio crackled back to life.

_“…Cap?”_

Bobby almost crumpled when the tension filling his limbs finally released.

“Buck! Finally, where are you? There is a criminal on the premises…”

_“Cap…”_ the younger firefighter interrupted, his voice sounding strangely tired _“I know…”_

Something was wrong.

“Buck, why are you panting?” suspicion and worry were evident in how Bobby’s tone went low, dark.

_“ I found him… or I mean… he found_ me _..?”_

For a second nobody spoke, nobody moved, nobody breathed. The usual Buckley luck had struck again.

“Buck, where are you?” the captain repeated, knuckles going white from the strength of his grip on the radio “Are you okay?”

“ _Where…? I’m not sure, Cap… there is a lot of blood…”_

“What?” Eddie’s shriek almost made Athena and Bobby jump, as neither had noticed the approaching fireman. But Bobby didn’t have time to calm him down, somebody else needed his attention.

_“…Cap?”_

“Buck, focus. Where are you?” when that didn’t get an answer, he switched to a different approach “Are you still inside the building?”

_“No… I don’t… I’m outside…”_

Eddie stared at Bobby for a few seconds, before nodding and taking off. The rest of the team soon followed his example and started spreading out, walking around, in search of their injured teammate.

A heavy weight was slowing Eddie’s movements, making him check every single crevice his eyes landed on, not wanting to miss any possible sign of his best friend’s presence.

He finally turned the corner to the side street and his heart skipped a beat. Because he could see something showing up from behind a dumpster, something very distinctive. LAFD-issued boots and uniform trousers which encased very familiar legs.

“Over here!” he shouted while stepping, running, sprinting, towards the fallen man.

Eddie dropped to his knees, his eyes quickly settling on the almost-closed ones of his best friend, who was trying his best to stay awake, hands hanging loosely over the right side of his torso, definitely not putting enough pressure, judging from the quantity of blood he could see.

And for a second that was all he could focus on.

_There is so much blood._

Eddie breathed in, trying to bring the reality of the situation back into focus, to treat the scenario in front of him like any other emergency, to treat it as if it were no different than what they had to face every day.

Except for the not-so-small detail that his best friend’s life hanged in the balance.

Eddie’s hands shot up to cover Buck’s, ready to take their place over the source of the bleeding. Somewhere in his mind he registered the hurried steps and half-shouts of the team getting closer, but his attention was still on his friend, mumbling something, clearly losing his focus on what was happening and Eddie couldn’t have any of that.

“…don’t wanna be alone…”

“Hey, Buck, look at me! Come on, look at me!”

Buck didn’t seem to register his presence.

“…don’t leave me…”

Eddie pressed harder on the wound and while he regretted it for a moment, as a painful groan escaped Buck’s lips, his efforts were rewarded when his friend’s gaze suddenly cleared and raised to meet his.

“…Eddie?”

But the older man didn’t have time to smile, as Buck’s expression quickly morphed once pain caught up with him.

“Fuck!” Buck almost shouted, his body squirming, clearly trying to get away from the source of the agony.

“Hey, you know the drill, Buckaroo, we need to stop this bleeding!” Chimney’s loud exclamation caught their attention, his usual cheerfulness ringing loud and fake to everybody listening. The EMT quickly passed some gauzes to Eddie, getting ready to cut Buck’s shirt to finally assess the wound.

On his part, Buck fumbled with his hands, now lost without an aim, until he found Hen’s hand and held it close. Her reassuring smile managed to relieve him of some of the anxiety pumping strong in his veins.

“Where is his turnout coat?” Bobby’s question threw Eddie’s mind for a loop, the confounded tone making him take a second look at his teammate.

Because yes, when they had separated, all the firemen had been wearing the required protective gear in case the fire jumped to the building they were entering. But now, Buck was just wearing his LAFD-issued t-shirt.

The former Army man turned towards his Captain and he could clearly see that Bobby hadn’t really intended to pose the question aloud, a statement, born of surprise while not expecting an answer.

Buck, though, didn’t seem to catch that, and tried to turn towards his captain, attempt quickly stopped by the rest of the team.

“…He… he got it.” He managed to whisper “Sorry Cap.” 

“Nonsense, Buck” the other man quietly replied, lowering himself to the ground so that he could be seen him with no strain. “Nothing to be sorry for. Just hang in there, kid.”

On his right, Athena raised a hand to her radio.

“This is Sergeant Grant, the suspect is fleeing the scene wearing a firefighter turnout coat, I repeat…”

“…’Thena…”

She stopped at the low whimper and brought back her focus to the youngest firefighter, who, strangely enough considering the situation, seemed to be holding back a grin.

“What is it, Buckaroo?”

“He’s here.”

For a moment, time seemed to slow down, as everybody stilled in their movements, frozen in their places.

“What do you…”

The blond nodded to the left.

“He’s in… the trash.”

A quick look was exchanged between Athena and Bobby, who then moved closer to the dumpster. They quickly threw a look inside and were mildly surprised to actually see an unconscious man, wearing a firefighter coat, laying on the garbage bags.

“You did this?” bewilderment colored Athena’s voice.

Buck laughed at the faces that his team were making, but that soon turned into a coughing fit.

And then, as a flame left at the mercy of the wind, the grip on Hen’s hand lessened, his eyes slowly closing. The EMT didn’t waste time and started running her hand on her friend’s sternum.

“Hey, no sleepy times, you hear me Buckaroo?” hopefully the sentence hadn’t come out as scared as she felt, while a frenzy started among the rest.

“BP is dropping!”

“We need to get him to the ambo, now!”

Slowly blinking back into consciousness, Buck opened his eyes, a painful moan ready on his lips. He found himself in motion, on a stretcher, being led to the ambulance, and the nausea rising from movement and pain almost overwhelmed him, pushing a faint moan out of his lips.

“Back with us?” Hen’s trembling smile filled his vision. “We are almost there, okay? You are going to be alright.”

He wished that he could shrug, sigh, do anything, but moving seemed so unattainable at the moment, so he settled on talking. He was so tired.

“I should have… stayed home…. today, I shoulda known…. that today… today would get me.” Buck was now full-on rambling, his eyes pointed at the sky but not really seeing it.

“ _Today_? What are you talking about?” Hen asked, trying to get his focus back on them.

A smile, a sad smile, morphed his features, far from the brightness that usually resided on them.

Still, it was something, enough proof that he was still with them.

“Don’t you… know… what day is today?”

And while silence reigned for a moment, Bobby broke it with a sudden realization.  
”It’s the one-year anniversary of the fire truck explosion.”

A wet laughter erupted from Buck’s lips, shaking his already trembling body.

“10 points… to Cap… Buck’s luck… hits again…” something wet trickled down on his cheek, he wasn’t sure if they were tears, if it was blood, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Because for a moment, his mind offered him the image of Eddie in his stead, a calm fury locking him in place, hands raised high while facing the armed assailant.

Of Hen taking off her turnout coat, a grimace on her face while she handed it over to the guy.

Of Chimney laying, once again, in a pool of his own blood, the uncertainty of a rescue that may never come.

Of Bobby, being transported away, while life slowly slipped away from his tired limbs.

Buck blinked himself out of those horrible pictures, offering once again a smile to the people that surrounded him.

“Better me… than you… anyway.”

The shocked faces of his teammates were the only response he got.

They were saying something, their mouths moving, their eyes wide with fear. A ghostly presence of somebody’s hand on his arm tightening, trying to anchor him to them.

Then, only darkness.

_The hand keeps pushing him, while he climbs out of the window, his boots clanging loudly – not enough – on the fire escape on the side of the building._

_He would really like to shout at the guy, he cannot move any faster than this without risking a face plant, but the knife shines dark and threatening in the guy’s hand. He would really like for it to be pointed at anything else other than his body._

_The only silver lining is that they left the crying woman in the hall, once Knife-guy realized she was slowing them down. Buck can only hope that she managed to get out of the building, that someone found her. This situation would at least be worth enduring if he could be sure she was safe._

_They finally reach the ground and Buck can only throw a look in the far distance, towards the main road, where all the other first responders are. Are they safe? Have they even noticed his disappearance yet? It’s only been a few minutes, everybody is probably still busy dealing with the evacuation and the fire._

_His focus is still on them, he can only blame himself when a sudden shove makes him hit the building wall hard. He almost crashes to the ground, only managing to keep upright thanks to a dumpster he gets a hold of._

_Again, he grimaces, but says nothing._

_He turns, facing the jittery criminal._

_“Give me your coat.” The guy says, his hands waving around, pointing at the jacket._

_Buck almost hesitates. His turnout coat, with the LAFD insignia, with the bright BUCKLEY spelled on the back, is one of his most prized possession, the one symbol of his life belonging to something he can be proud of._

_But in the end, it’s just a coat. He can hear Bobby’s voice as if he were standing right next to him, telling him that antagonizing the guy, risking his life for a jacket, was not worth it. His life is._

_He shrugs the coat off of his shoulders, not stopping himself from scowling at the sight of those hands grabbing it, marring it with the travesty of the moment._

_He refrains again from trying to wrestle the knife away from those hands._

_The guy keeps looking at him, a smirk bending his features in the low light._

_“I guess you are going to try to beg for your freedom? For your safety? Are you going to tell me of all the people that are waiting for you at home, how I should spare you because of them? Who do you have?” he’s almost giggling, like he’s thriving in the chaos of the moment._

_And Buck almost wants to shout, to scream, that he has a sister, a best friend, a kid that he kind of considers his own, pseudo-parents and pseudo-siblings, a family…_

Almost _being the operative word, though._

_Because as much as he wants to claim them, all of them, they aren’t his. And he isn’t theirs._

_He is just… Buck._

_“No. No one.” not even his voice sounded like his own, defeat stretching those few words, stabs in the dark emptiness that was his soul._

_A dark glint in the eyes of his enemy is all the warning he gets, before the guy leaps at him, knife gliding towards him._

_Buck jumps out of the way, fear and adrenaline guiding his movements away from the attack. The guy doesn’t stop though and without a moment he is on him again, weapon getting closer and closer._

_The firefighter grabs the assailant’s arm, pushing him back and this dance continues._

_“This is Captain Nash of the 118. I need a head count, now!”_

_The familiar voice crackles out of his radio, startling both of them. The knife-wielding hand manages to slip through his arms and his left side screams in agony as contact is made. Buck slips, stumbles on his feet, trying to parry the next attack, but another jab follows the first, the blade cutting through more than fabric and skin._

_“How long do you think it will take them to find your body?” the question takes Buck by surprise, and while he cannot even think of a reply, with the knife twisting in his guts, something stirs inside of him._

_The taunting echoes in his ears, and something akin to a roar escapes his lips._

_He grabs the hand still close to his body, blocking it in place, while bringing the other one to the guy shoulder._

_And he pushes._

_He looks at the guy in front of him, fear widening his eyes when he realizes that there is no stopping the unwavering rage that is driving Buck._

_He mentioned_ them _, his team, even if not by name, not even for real, but Buck will not let them be harmed. Not as long as he is standing._

_They hit the wall and then the dumpster again and Buck doesn’t even stop to think._

_The fury in his veins drives his right hook and the guy stumbles. He tries to hit him back, but Buck is faster and reaches the target once again. It’s not long before the guy, in a desperate attempt to regain the upper hand, runs at him with all the speed he can master._

_Buck only has to seize him by the shirt to use the guy’s own momentum to throw him in the dumpster, a satisfying thud echoing and bringing a small smirk to his lips._

_He breathes in deeply, trying to calm down his racing heart, trying to clear his fading sight, when he realizes his mistake._

_During the fight, the knife embedded in his torso was dislodged, and his wound has been bleeding freely for a while now._

_His knees buckle and his hand shooting upward instinctively is the only reason he doesn’t smack his face against the bricks in front of him. He should move, he should call for help, he should be doing something, anything, but his body won’t respond to his pleas._

_“Buck, respond!”_

_Once again, the familiar voice coming from the radio startles him, this time strongly enough for him to reach it._

_“…Cap?”_

_“Buck! Finally, where are you? There is a criminal on the premises…”_

_Buck almost wants to laugh, but he lacks the strength even for that._

_“Cap…I know...” he registers another question, something coming through the radio, but he needs him to know what is going on “I found him… or I mean… he found me..?”_

_“Buck, where are you? Are you okay?” Bobby’s voice sounds different, reminding him of the few words he spoke after Athena was attacked. He feels something trickling down his hand._

_“Where…? I’m not sure, Cap…” he looks down, and he’s rewarded by a sea of red “There is a lot of blood…”_

_For a few seconds no sound comes from the radio and the possibility of being alone, again, fills his mind. Did they leave him?_

_“…Cap?”_

_“Buck, focus. Where are you?” he wasn’t sure how to answer that. Where was he? “Are you still inside the building?” he feels the rough, cold surface of a brick wall against his back and he shakes his head for a while before remembering that Bobby cannot actually see him._

_“No… I don’t… I’m outside…”_

_Once again, no reply._

_“Are you still there?” Buck asks, not realizing that his hand dropped to his lap, abandoning the radio._

_“Over here!”_

_Who was he even talking to?_

_“Please… don’t leave… I don’t wanna be alone…”_

_Something is moving in front of him, a dark, unfocused cloud, that reaches him fast. Where is everybody? Wasn’t he at work? He cannot see his team. Are they gone?_

_“Don’t leave me…”_

There was something on his face. That was the first thing he became aware of. Not digging in, but something, an object, hard plastic, was there, placed on his face, just making itself known, creating an itch that needed to be scratched.

But his arm felt so heavy.

“Buck?”

A voice, somewhere to his left, caught him by surprise. He couldn’t see anybody. Actually he couldn’t see anything. What was going on?

A loud beeping started in the background, or had it always been there?

“Hey, Buck, listen to me. I’m right here. Can you open your eyes for me?”

_Oh_. His eyes were closed. That explained it.

Following the request proved to be more difficult than he realized and, once he managed, he regretted it almost instantly.

The room was so bright, so white that it almost hurt to look at it. Or maybe, it hurt him because he also recognized it. He was in the hospital. Again.

A movement to his left brought his focus away from the ceiling.

“Eddie?” he coughed, while the Latino helped him into a sitting position.

He soon discovered the source of the strange feeling that had woken him up. He was wearing a hospital breathing mask.

“What… what happened?” he frowned at the muffled sound of his voice coming through the apparatus. He went to get rid of it, when his hand was stopped.

“Don’t do that.” Eddie smiled, warmth and happiness guiding his movements, taking his hand and stopping it from doing any possible damage “You weren’t breathing all that well on your own, so you have to keep the mask on until the doctor says so, okay?”

“Okay, _Dad_ ” he laughed, looking at his best friend’s smile, the hand holding him spreading warmth that had nothing to do with temperature.

It didn’t last long as Eddie jumped to his feet, clearly going for the door, clearly òeaving.

“I’m going to tell the nurses you are awake, and I’m going to call the others, they are right…”

_He’s just… Buck._

He couldn’t breath.

“Wait!” Buck shouted, his hand shooting forward to get a hold of Eddie’s once again.

He would like to say something, to continue with the obvious thought that accompanied, guided, that action but the words wouldn’t come out. He could only drop his gaze to his lap, reluctantly letting go of his pillar, his safety net.

He was not a baby, he could handle Eddie leaving the room, couldn’t he?

Heat rose to his cheeks and Buck knew that his birthmark was now probably hidden in the bright pink color that was overtaking his face.

“Sorry, you... you should go.”

Could he ever look Eddie in the eyes again, without thinking back to this moment? Without the shame, the inadequacy, the weakness taking over?

He was not sure he wanted to know the answer.

Delicate motion carefully separated the hands in his lap, swiftly pushing them apart, interlacing his fingers with familiar ones. Even not having ever hold hands before, even if all his senses were down for the count, he was sure he would always be able to recognize Eddie.

The hospital bed dipped lightly, another hand appearing and placing itself at the nape of his neck, in a move so loving, so familiar, that he sighed in relief, his body releasing some of the tension that had him high-strung.

“Buck, can you look at me?”

He shook his head, trying to reign the reaction that surely would escape him if he were to talk.

“I’m right here, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

And with that, the dam broke.

Sobs wrecked his body, shook it, creating devastating ripples that made his wounds pulse in rhythm with his heartbeat. It took Buck a moment to realize that he now found himself surrounded, comforted by the protective arms of his best friend, his hands running slow along his spine, a reassuring, much needed presence.

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled.

The other fighter quietly shook his head.

“Nothing to be sorry about.”

Finally, Buck pushed back and disentangled himself from the embrace, trying to dry his eyes with the back of his hands.

“I’m such a mess…” he half-laughed, his voice not really matching the words he was fighting to get out “But I guess it was a scary situation…”

A moment of silence.

“Buck” Eddie hesitated, a foreign expression painted on his face “There is something we need to talk about…”

“Sure man, you know if I didn’t have to sleep I would never shut up.”

Again, Buck’s eyes were shining too brightly in the harsh hospital light, his breathing too fast.

The other man snorted, before taking again his position right in front of the blonde.

“Are you going to tell me what’s actually wrong?”

Buck tilted his head, a frown darkening his features.

“I… I was taken hostage…”

“I know that, Buck. I’m talking about what you were saying before you passed out.”

Buck stilled.

What he said before passing out? His memories were blurry well before that moment, unfocused for anything that had happened in that alley, except for the blinding flash of when Eddie had found him. Because of that he was sure, Eddie had been the one to reach him first.

“I’m… I’m not sure…”

“You kept talking about how you were going to die, because yesterday… because yesterday was the anniversary of the fire truck explosion and…

“I have been unconscious for a day?” the words rushed out of his mouth before he could even think them, and he blushed, again, before silently gesturing to his friend to continue. The other man just grinned for a second, before his expression turned solemn once again.

Buck looked away, the frown just digging deeper trenches on his forehead.

Eddie’s knee bumped gently against his leg under the covers.

“You think I didn’t notice how you were off at the beginning of the shift? We all did, but I thought - _we_ thought - that you would come to talk to us. You always listen to any of us complain about anything, why didn’t you tell us that yesterday was bad?

“That’s…” Buck scoffed “that’s not true. You don’t… and I shouldn’t…”

“Buck, are you going to tell me that yesterday being the anniversary of the fire truck bombing didn’t affect you?”

The younger man huffed, raising again his free hand to his face.

“You shouldn’t have… I should be able....”

Silence stretched between the two of them, and Buck tried not to squirm in the uneasiness.

“Why do you think we are going to leave you?”

He focused his eyes on the whiteness of the bed sheets, forcing himself not to blink, hoping that the wetness in his eyes would dry out unnoticed.

“Is that what he was saying?” a new voice entered the fray, surprising both of them.

Buck instantly regretted the inches of space that the unexpected arrival of Bobby had created between him and his best friend. He instantly tried to fill the void he felt, filling it with the first topic that came to mind.

“I mean, yesterday couldn’t have been a fluke, right? It is highly unlikely that I almost died on the same day, one year apart, right? It must be my unlucky number, or maybe a curse…” he chuckled, again, looking for an easy escape to distract himself from the heavy weight once again settling in his chest. “Or I don’t know, what moon phase was it? Because they say that there is a link between the moon’s phases and major trauma!”

“Seriously? The moon again?” Bobby asked, a small smile appearing but not quite reaching his eyes.

Still, he finished opening the door, quietly revealing the rest of the group behind him.

Maddie swiftly glided past the captain, reaching Buck on the opposite side of the bed. She threw a clearly-fake annoyed look in Eddie’s direction.

“ _This one_ was supposed to tell us and the nurse when you woke up.” She didn’t even bother keeping her eyes on the older firefighter, who slowly raised his hands in a clear surrender motion. She tilted to kiss Buck’ head, lingering there for a moment more.

“I’m glad you are okay.” she whispered, some fear pouring out, shaking the few words she directed only to him. He leaned against her, her hand brushing through his unruly curls.

His shy smile was a small victory for all the people in the room.

“Nice to see you awake, Buckaroo!” Chimney almost skipped towards the bed, the usual pat to his shoulder unusually light, the hand lingering there for a moment longer, a quick squeeze, as if to check for himself that Buck was really there in front of him “I see you ticked the “getting stabbed” box on the list of injuries occurred on the job”.

With a hard shove to the still moving EMT, Hen was another solid presence at the end of the bed, her hand brushing against his leg through the bed covers. She nodded over towards Chimney.

“He can say whatever he wants but he was the one pacing the loudest in the waiting room. He almost got us kicked out while we were waiting for the doctor.”

Everybody joined in for the quiet laughter, while the shorter man pouted.

“Did you manage to talk to him? what did he say?” Eddie suddenly asked Maddie, who nodded.

“When can I get out of here?” Buck asked, unfazed by the knowing looks that everybody threw his way. He didn’t want to stay a second longer than necessary in the hospital, thank you very much.

He didn’t really listen to her answer though, his focus pulled to the points of contact that everybody seemed to have found. The only person who didn’t actually have a hand on him at the moment was Athena, keeping her distance from the bed. Still, her eyes were on him, the usual loving stare that she reserved for her children making him blush, a silent, motherly hug that didn’t need to be acknowledged aloud.

A hand squeeze brought his attention back to the discussion.

“I know a kid that will be ecstatic of having you staying over for a while” Eddie said, and Buck could only smile at the mention of Christopher.

Confounded noises came from the rest of the room.

“What are you talking about? He’s not staying with you, he’s coming home with me and Howie!”

“You have a baby to deal with! Karen can work from home at the moment and she will be more than happy to keep an eye on him while he recovers.”

“I’m pregnant, there is no baby in the house yet, and with a former nurse and an EMT in the house, we can certainly look after my brother!”

“I didn’t mean your future baby, I meant Chim!”

It was at that point that Athena commandeered the room, catching everybody’s attention with a simple movement of her hand.

“Buckaroo here is coming home with me and Bobby, Harry is staying with Michael, so his room is free to use. Also, I’m still on medical leave so there is no need for anybody not to go to work.”

In the middle of the chaotic chatter, nobody noticed the faint blush deepening on Buck’s face as the people around him playfully fought to be the ones to take care of him. Something seemed to loosen inside of his chest, an unknown knot dissolving under the loving force he was experiencing.

_Are you going to tell me of all the people that are waiting for you at home?_

He snorted, while his hand shot up towards his face, trying hard to dry the new tears forming in his eyes before they fell, before anyone could see him coming apart.

He should have known better.

“Buck, are you okay?” Eddie’s question brought back the focus of the group onto him, who on his part tried to wave away their concern.

“Yes, yes, I’m…” the word _fine_ got stuck in his throat, another sob rattling through his body.

In a flurry of movements, everybody in the room moved closer to the bed, to him, making their presence known. Hand on shoulder, legs touching through fabric, interlaced fingers, like a blanket where no part of him were left uncovered. His shield against any threat.

“I.. I thought…” he stammered, remembering the overwhelming feeling of solitude in that alley “I though I was alone.”

A gentle squeeze.

“Never. We are all here.”

“And you are not leaving?”

“No. Never.”

**Author's Note:**

> I really find it hard to write conclusions, anyone else? Just me? I hope I didn't disappoint, I'm not too happy with this one but I needed to get something out.
> 
> Reviews and comments are always welcome!


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